I Like To Be By Myself

I stand on the banks of isolation
There is a world out there

There is a coalescence of spirit
That I have been deprived of
Strangely making the alone mine
I have become strong
I would have thought deprivation
Would have spelled the end

The clouds and God conspire

To keep me alive
I can feel death's angel
Checking his list for my name

As he passes me by
I can feel his chagrin
I look to the heavens
And say soon enough

I spread my leaves
I scoop the waters of heaven
I drink with ravenous thirst
God wants me to stay alive
The nurture is for me
But why lord
Why me
"Because you do my business"

To Salvate Into Existence

When the real explodes into salvation
The saliva floods my mouth
When the color plucks my heart
There is a blood rush to my emotions
I am alive in the iridescence
I live in God's iris
I swoon into the color of the ethereal

Is there respite from this harmony
I am truly full to the limit
I am at the transcendental max
I am bursting into the violet haze
Am I in the ephemeral lightness
Is this the door of the pearl
Is this God's embrace

Am I merely drunk on the nectar
Will I be sober tomorrow
Next year
I hope with my heart
Not
This is enough
In the no more

Morning Of Forever

Sometimes the fire burns the ocean pink
The swells scope into a chiffon meringue
And the horizon whips into a thick pudding
The textures of this souffle
Excite my pallet
The textures slide off my tongue
Into the cheek of my ecstasy

I walk the beach
I remember the taste of your kiss
For a moment I remember
The sweetness
Will I ever know this passion again
Is my desire one dimensional

Have I transitioned into the divine

Am I merely nostalgic
Am I lost in the let go
Am I stuck in the pudding of obesity
Do I want even to be here
Do I want the temporalness of the romantic
Or do I want the forever
How do I cross into the divine

Universe Comspiracy

Everything works together
There is a macro conspiracy
I can feel it in the wind
The last night's wind brushed the leaves
In great numbers on to the ground
As I walked through them
Some crackled when I couldn't
Avoid stepping through their number

There were gusts of wind
Rustling the trees in the milieu
As I hiked into the scene
I became a part of the contrivance
The scene is one of synchronicity
The artistry of this event
Highlighted my feeling of connection
I looked around and I soared into God

I could feel the breath on my body
I divided the flow of the breeze
I looked down stream
I wondered where the divided
Wind would flow
Who would it caress
Where would be embraced
What would be carried into existence

The Flux Of The Cosmos

There are rhythms
Beats of existence
In between these beats
Magic consciousness lives
The substance, the mortar, of life
The jelly of the pastry
Provide the sweet dimensions

My tongue explores the center
There is a sugar rush to existence
The pastry crust isn't where it's at
When my tongue enters the fill
I am somehow aware of my destination
I feel the rush to consciousness
I am cast adrift into the cosmos

I'm into the float
I dive and soar into existence
Occasionally I meet someone else here
I take sustenance in our comraderie
What a pleasure to swim together
In our secret lagoon
"Ecstasy"

We Are Not Of The World

We are in the world
But not of it
Some of of us know this place
Some of us float in and around
We are reflections of our selves
We live in the cosmos
We are comfortable in the float

We are an air born consciousness
We are in the ineffable lightness of being
We float in the currents
In the outer shell of existence
We are still tethered
Yet we play as if we weren't
We glide in the effervesce

We are at home in the surreal
It's as if we come from something else
Is it possible even to go back
Is death the next transition
When we sever the tether

Do we we break through
To divine consciousness

Conspiracy Of Life

Sometimes things are upside down
Malevolence has a stale air
The eyes are watching
We both feel on guard
There is "fight or flight" in the air
There is a flutter in the dark
My hands are at my head's defense

Death by Rabies
Is in the air

Trepidation is in my senses
I drop into the rocks
There is a deafening flutter
I am thinking about
How much time
What do I know about the death

I feel the bite
They are gone
I flush the wound with water
I'm thinking about the pain
Of medical treatment
I know this is a case of life and death
I think about death in quiet

I'm Thinking

There is that in this
Strange how we live in the same place
One would think we are from different worlds
They believe that they are God's children
They believe they are the world's oyster
Does their regale support such an idea
Am I not more beautiful

Is my beauty for Adam and Eve
Do I exist outside of Jesus
Was I really a toy created
For the pleasure of homo sapiens
Would the father really have given them
First priority
Why not my beauty first

How arrogant of them
They have their fingers on the triggers
They butcher so many of their number
Blood runs from their eyes
What a cosmic joke
To think God looked different than me
Can you imagine

Beauty To Delight

There is a dandy on the path
The universe contrived the perfect
Harmonious scene
For the backdrop of this persona
There is a conspiracy in this
There is a cosmic melody
Drifting on the wind

There is no determinant
There is no outcome
There is God's capricious whim
Some of us thrive
Some of us decompose
There is only
His design

I am hapless
I nest in this milieu
The canvass is always changing
I can only trust in his design
I don't see the movie on the horizon
My hope is that one day I will
Till then I strut with the flow

My From

From our body's evolution
The taste of the bisque
Thick and full of spice
Epicurean in multiplicity

Explodes in the torrential
Of our minds
And we morph
Into the dimensional

Blue velvet and lavender
The color of

The hue of my existence

The tapestry of coordination

Residue of purple haze
From the shrill to forever
Shooting the star
Whistling a tune

Spiral staircase

Constructed of antecedents
Surging into the stuff
Where it's going

Is mapped in the moment
The thrust
Is in the spontaneity

He Was Alive Once

Is Christmas for the anthropomorphic
It was for me and my dog once
I dressed him for his march in the parade
That was when everything was intact
When snow was on the ground
And love was in our hearts
That was before I lost everything

The angst of the heart fills my lungs
And it is painful to breathe
People say Merry Christmas
And it is painful that they mean it
I had wealth then impoverishment
I am now nothing but indentured servitude
Not even a thought in my last moments

In many ways though I have morphed
I have lived by the Divine edict
And there is a dead Christmas wreath
On my door
I look to the ground
I almost see the spilt blood
I even feel my family's embrace

Will I See Another Spring

I am in the moment
My existence is in the season
I give beauty radiant color
I am not worried about tomorrow
My purpose is in the now
The universe has orchestrated
To bask in my perfect color

I flow down the river of existence
It doesn't matter how I got here
And it doesn't matter my destination
I don't have time for that
What matters is that I stay upright
I am alive in the moment
I am swirling in the colors of now

When time slows down
When I am standing on the shore
I can think about where I'm going
But I really don't want to
My need is to be alive in the tumult
I need to watch for boulders

As if continuation mattered

Force and Effect

Life in a solvent green malaise
Tree bent by the force of dissolution

Unending loneliness
I am on a walkabout
I am looking for radiant life
I want the warm colors of iridescence
I want the colors of the before

There is a permanent dismal
I live in the backdrop of a dying sun
A planet in decay
I remember a people unconcerned
Yes once I drove downtown
I watched the people in the cross walks
I remember cavalier

Some of us developed fragile minds
Some wore leathery skins
Some of us tried to take care of the other
But many of the weak died
And now it was time
For the leather to decompose
The decay even moved into the trees

Trail To Nowhere

I took the slippery rock trail
Way back when
And I'm getting to the end
I can see that soon it just stops
I can say I have achieved' my destiny
People have perished along the way
I have retained my balance to the end

My peer is afraid to die
I on the other hand
At the trail's end can't believe
The pulse of anomie in my veins
I want to bleed the nothingness
I have an artillery spray
From my veins

I don't want to apply pressure
Yet I have to hang on for my friend
Because I care
And here is the secret
Also the bear trap of long life
I want my epithet to read
He cared while he was here

Thinking About You

I like you in all your imperfection
I imagine you without the fields of freckles
You evoke fields wild and lush
They shade you like nature's makeup
I imagine you in the late summer's sun
Wind in your hair
Looking off into the horizon
I wonder what you want

These are an old man's meanderings
Remembering what once was
To love a young woman
To enjoy the beauty of helter skelter freckles
Coming together in synthesis
I live in decimation at the thought
I know my heart is in remission
And just the thought of your lips

I feel strange
There is a swaying back and forth
A ringing in my ears
The world is spinning
I am afraid for a moment
I seem to be in a sea of freckles
I'm swimming in them
My lungs are filling with them

Long In The Tooth

Life has been long
I still have apparatus

Yet I live more and more
In the no more
I have done a lot
I have felt a myriad
I wait for that last adventure
My demise

I am still intact
I have experienced parasuicide
I have lived to tell the tale
So many fell to death
People who shared my fox hole
I have lived into the no more
But there is guilt
My heart demands justice

My purpose to survive
Doesn't seem all that meritorious
As I wait in death's antechamber
I would like mercy
In my exit
But I have learned of God's
Rules of capriciousness
Like always I cast my fiat to the wind

Some Of Us Cling

Sometimes we are ice on existence
Holding things in place
Suspending time's march
And denying life its unending flow
And life waits in limbo
Life waits in cryogenic stasis
Waiting for continuation

The ice burns
From the ashes of the phoenix
Life is renewed or begins again
Will you nil you
There is continuation
Please stop the train
I want to disembark

I am not into the aesthetics
I don't care for
What's old is new again
I don't care if this is the road to heaven
I am done with morphing
I desire to opt out
Please let me off the train

I Am Wild In Existence

My dance is a prance
My life is an explosion of statement
My muscles and bones
Fire under my control
I feel my unbridled strength
In the vapid and overcast horizon
Such disparity breaks my heart

My breath explosively exhales
My head whips to the side
In compassionate chagrin
I am not receptive to anything less
Than my time

I know that being in charge
Is the suit of my existence

I am one of those who will
Run my heart to death
Living in the moment of doing
Is more important than continuing
And my hooves rattle the ground
My blood heart is on fire
And I fall to the ground not to get up

Life In Transition

Sometimes I can see what's in front of me
There are times when I can't
The blue and white splash is on my face
The shiver is on my shoulders
Oxygen feels strange in my lungs
Your lips are on my mouth
Your embrace is around my body

Why do you come to me now
Am I a flower in a vase

Do I reside on your table
Am I for your aesthetic
To turn me around

I need to feel your
Heart through your breast

I have inhaled you
I have savoured your morsel
I need the feast of you
I want to be full of you
There must be give and take
In large portions
I need to consume you

The Banchee Outside My Window

I feel her in the wind
I hear her dark robe flutter
She waits for me to make my amends
Some how we are in the final barter
Some how I am supposed to traverse
The annals of time
I am suppose to stop at each pain
And shed a tear
Summation
I am to take stock
As I traverse this labyrinth
My actions have been laid against the other
I feel the pain
Regret and release
Permeate the stitches in time
And I can see the web work in pain

In the distance of hindsight
There is a throb in my heart
Why
No I don't need to burn in hell
The moments of transgression
Don't justify the weight
But I will pay the consequence

Iredescent Life

When I look into life's exuberances
My heart palpates into the surging radiance
Colors and design pour into my irises
There is a blood surge
I breathe in the ethereal
There is such a luxuriant nature
How is it I saw none of this before

When I look into the feather of blue velvet
I dream I could slide down the wing
Into the purple ocean
Such unadulterated joy
How could God have so much fun
Is that what this is about
The joy of his creativity

Yet there is so much pain in existence
Is this part of your joy
Is suffering somehow in your design
Is this your aesthetic
Why harmonic beauty
Back dropped by the burden of dreary pain
What is the synthesis

My Heart In You

Softly the music played against your name
Flowers spilled from my being
The chords of my heart were minor harmonics
And for a time I lost myself
My mind sailed the sloop of desire in the wind
Your chiffon gown was blue in the breeze
Lilac perfume was on the air
The waft of you pitted my being

How is it I can't have you
How is it that plants are empty of flowers
Why am I cold in the winter of your absence
I need your hands on my heart
Why must I listen to the rain in the night
Without you
Where is your comfort
Please suture my heart with your breathing

The wheels spin in the water logged street
I dream you have arrived
Then I remember your distance
There are sharp chords of depression
The melody is melancholy
The rain drips through my soul
I need your warmth against me
Your absence is the cross on my back

Unity Consciousness

The sun that feeds us light
Rushes into the manifest everything
The energy of the light feeds the plants and butterfly
We are all sewed into the tapestry of what is
There are threats of connection
There is a web work
A whole

We are a painting of dramas
With a ripple into and out of everything
There is a continuance into the forever
At the same time as dissipation
Our hearts are thrilled to find
The silk of this connection
As we slide into existence

The butterfly takes the sun home
Where it nourishes its progeny
And the sun's energy seeps into our planet
In mysterious and insidious ways
There is an orchestration
Of enigmatic harmonies
That color and invigorate

Silluoette Of Translucence

Life has been illusive for me

In the charcoal dregs of the wine barrel
I am a curmudgeon in misery
I am the crotchety old man
Who wants to get on with it
My tears of disappointment
Twist my heart's final resolve

Ring out my tears of despair

I understand the death
Of those with no more on their lips
My heart is being drained
I am in a pool of warm sticky blood
I pray for the forgiveness of my sins
"Our father who art in heaven"

Yet no matter
Haeven or hell just get here
Yet no matter
Pain or gentle resolve it doesn't matter
Justice or not
Take me away
Kiss me Jesus

I live In The Night

I awake early to wait for death's knock
Sometimes I go into the quiet of the night
Climb high in my tree
And look for death's angel
I live in isolation
And I am hungry for oblivion
This is the best time in the day

I live on the periphery

Of existence
When I go out into the daylight
And become part of the kinetic existence
I am reeled back to purpose
In the black night
Where no more almost exists

Oblivion must be better I reason
There are those that hang by threads
My machete severed through these threads
In the cool mist of the morning
And I wait for the coup de grace
I wonder if I will go to heaven or hell
It only matters that I exit

If You Landed On Me

Soft colored wings in blue ambiance
I would open my nectar pods wide
Our connection would reveal our aesthetic
We would spiral into heaven
You with sustenance

With my fruit in your belly
We both cosmically would thrill
In the ecstatic

Some things are controlled
In the blue cloud of consciousness
Intention is unnecessary
Action without volition
Is purity of purpose
There is no second guessing
Unconscious actions
Unfettered grandiosity rules

The wings flap
The grains on the wings
Turns out to be texture
There is effervescence in the flutter
The withdraw and glance
Is a surreal salute between lovers
The feeding tube sucks air
There is a pithy disconnect

Cosmic Consciousness

Does the universe see through all eyes
Is it everything at once
Is there a blending of vision
Am I a component of the kaleidoscope
What happens when colored glass over lap
When one shade falls away
Does the universe notice

Can we enter into this unification

Jump the boundaries
Surge into the rainbow of life
Can we know everything at once
Would we implode
Is this mystical exuberance
Or am I going around the bend

What if I choose to act as if this were true
Will I morph or explode
Am I ready for this transition
Is this my manifest destiny
Is this my bridge to the other world
Do I have the courage to step on it
In the mean time I find I'm in transition

Fire In The Crest

Transient energy living the moment
Beauty in the crest of time
Can I exist longer than presence
Love has taught me
There is only the moment
I live in the now
I only have this moment

One day while napping on the beach

My friend was taken off
By the undertow
He couldn't struggle against it
All he could do was swim to current's side
And hope to catch a break in the current
He lived in the moment

I am so in the moment
Things have worked out that
There is nothing behind or forward

There are only the cresting waves on the ocean
I have lost the ability to oscillate in time
Failing to move between past, present, and future
I am a surfer gliding on the crest

Burning Intensity

When does a face come forward in time
When does strength fixate
When do irises burn into being
When does the brow alarm
Are we guilty
What did we do
What did I do

Do I feel guilt
Are my people responsible
I know in my heart the darkness
I remember the derogatory
From my father about the Lakota
I remember his look
When I asked him to step outside

How do I make amends
Do I tell her she is my sister
Will we ever ride ponys together
Through grassy fields
Replete with wild flowers
Will I ever have the chance to return
Her smile

The Dream

Sometimes we die in the dream
The snow falls quietly
We have lived in the hurt a long time
The distance is growing
While there are no more tears
The emptiness remains
The haplessness fills nothing

I am trapped inside
I am spinning into oblivion
I need to be franchised again
But there is no commerce
Amid the hustle and bustle nothing
I need to go down stairs
I need to feel the sun on my face

My Orange cat loved me
In all of that
And I loved him
But he died
This is the only genuine memory
The rest is stilted
It is unreal horror

I'm Sailing To The Edge

At the edge of no more
I was pummeled into the big empty
There was meaninglessness
I am torn on that account
At the abyss I didn't have the vaguest
I used to dream love would be my anchor
Yet isolation is what sank me

I passed love's time
I want it back
Like a child wants its mothers teat
But I don't drink milk anymore
There is no nipple for nurture and comfort
In my existence

There was only the angst of the transcendental

I am sinking
Into the abyss of the ontological
And it is snowing in Athens
Yet it is not in San Jose
My heart is boiling
In the deep ocean
Between here and there

Watching

Watching you sleep
Fabric draping your body
Your breast undulates
You must be tired
To sleep on such a surface
Your breathing is my rhythm
I yawn in complicity

I feel like a voyeur
I drape my coat over you
Your eye lids open
There is a quiet smile
You say hi
And gently with my rhythm
Slumber

I knew you were odd

The first time we met
I could see you were counter culture
And you amazed me with your music
I used to think drugs were the problem
But what you saw was radiance
Today there is a forecast of rain

The Fire Of You Makes Me Sweat

I wake in the night in the heat
My mouth is parched
December's winds blow through the trees
I am uneasy
I have an unquenchable thirst
In my sweat I realize
You

Such consuming passion
It's so hot
I push the covers to the floor
You're on the other side of the world
Please stop
I want to sleep with
You

What if you were in my arms
Would the world boil
Would the world come to an end
I think the volcanos
Of my world would spew lava
I would turn into a crisp ash
For the love of you

Train Tract To Effervescence

I am on my way to embarkation

I am on the destiny train
I am in transition
Between now and forever
The wind is on my face
I can smell strawberry fields
There is nothing left undone

There is the woman I love
But I have loved before
The love of a woman was
The building block of transition
I have morphed around the bend
I understand in conclusion
I have to do this alone

Yet it's an amazing choice
The desolation of my cells
Or the loss of the woman I love
How is it I can inhabit this conundrum
Isolation is the harp of existence
Truth or grandiosity
Madness or transcendence

The Fall Is On The Water

The chlorophyll is in transition
I am in harmony
Yet I still ripple in time
My wave is myopic
To feel the last dribble of life
Gentleness must consume
My heart doesn't agree

I want the craziness
I want the fire of you
I want the emulsification
I can't float gently on the water
There's the conundrum
I am a water logged leaf
Truth sinking

We are from different times
There is no door between
I must hurry to the bottom
There is no door between
There is only dissolution
That which was is dissolving
This is how much I love you

Remnant In The Big Blue Ethereal

I admit I am lost at sea
I am rudderless
Food is running out
I lay quietly here in the gentle
Rolling sea
Death appears on the horizon
And I dream about her embrace

I've never held her
Nor tasted her lips
Heaven appears denied to me
But I will not saddle her
With this derelict floating into oblivion
No matter how I came here
It's what it is

The ship creeks with the roll
Night turns to day and back again
I am forgetting hunger
I remember the cross hanging on her neck
The desire to walk and hold her hand
Are the transcendental comfort
Of my last breath

I live In the Underbrush

Green moss and tree bark coalesce
Moist fog both nurture and decay
I live the last dregs in this sub world
There is no sun
There is a dismal feeling of decay
I breathe into my lungs
The gas of this desolation

How did I get here
I had a life and a family once
Capricious ignorance won the day
What did I really have

If my love burned with bile
What I do have is an acid burned heart
And I wait for death in the between

I feel close in transition
Yet I have been here a long time
Sometimes I see green moss

On the back my hands
Early on I use to brush it away
Now I see it merely adds to the warmth
And now I think it will expedite the madness

Through The Webwork You Stared

You looked at me through mesh
I felt the layer of insulation

My fingers dragged across your face
There is a sadness in your eyes
You are watching for my alienation
I focus on your eyes and tell you
How beautiful they are

There is artistry in your face weld
There is wild brutality in this
My heart feels the gentleness in your soul
My heart bleeds with your damage
You must live beauty as the beast
The pain of this burns my aesthetic
Can my love be recruited from my ego

Your mask hides your kindness
Your ego had the standard beat out of it
Does that appeal to me
There is a synthesis of beauty and deviance
In your destiny
Can my kisses take away the pain of this
What kind of man am I

I Am The Rose On Your Pillow

I am protected by the rose petal

Walls of distance
I need to be protected or locked away
I've tried with my courage and resolve

To live in abstinence
Yet the nape of her neck
Fills my nostrils with desire

I am the proverbial old fool
Consumed by succulent beauty
I know the inevitable
Before the begin
Why have I let the beguile into my soul
Maybe it's just for a moment in time
Yet my heart wants a moment in forever

I've watched your mind move for years
Your cosmopolitan thoughts intrigue me
Your youth causes trepidation
I know the fire of your emotions
It's just that I want to inhale you
Dream and brimstone I want you
Life without is worthless

The Universe Looking At Itself

The sun feeds the plants light
The plants feed us light energy
The light energy allows us to see
We see the universe looking at itself
Aware of this cosmic process
We are aware of our relationship
With cosmic consciousness

Sun light feeding my soul
I feel the thrust in my heart
I am exploding in effervesce
I rip my shirt open
My heart is warmed
The energy heats my blood
I am warmth in the cold

The connection is so transcendent
The wind is rustling the leaves
Outside my window
My mind is spiraling into
The Godhead
I feel the cords of love
Plucking my heart

Lost In The Beginning

The days dawn is blurry
The waft of the coffee lifts my eye lids
I yawn in forgotten sleep
Muscles stretch embracing the day
Through the window
I feel the cold lifting
I remember the end to my family

My heart spills a few more drops
I know I can't spend too much blood
On the past
There is a present and a future
Yet I begin each day with the past
Even so the past deprives everything else
I start each day with the dance of the limbo

People say I should strive to remain connected
My genetics don't allow for this
Better connected than biting pain
Yet I drink my coffee with pain and sugar
Each morning at dawn
At the cup's dreges
I close my eyes in the hope of their happiness

Flower Petals In The Air

Lost thought
Storming tear ducts
Lip petals remember your heart
Fiery passion

Tide after the surge
Tattooed body and soul
Love's residue

I know this
It is my memory
And it doesn't matter who you are
I want to hold your hand
I want to comfort you
I want to coalesce
I want our tears to run in assuage

Your glimpse
Is my evocation
Damn the truth
I will not remember it otherwise
I need to remember it this way
Please don't damage this
I will walk by

Stone Yin & Yang

Ebb and flow
Balance and harmony
Beauty in the doing
The flow between the palms of my hands
The radiant energy from and to
The perfect harmony
I am the color of butterfly wings

My being is in transition
The object of my mind is in morph
I have crossed over
I have the energy in my heart
I can feel the Kundalini
Surging into my being
The trying is no more

External motivations
Are without evocative pain
The translucent understanding
Feels balanced and in gentle effervescence
I am in the concern
I am in trepidation of the flow
The firing of my star is not explosive

Love Is Not

When the bloom and mascara is there
When everything else has evaporated
There is vapid absence of existence
When the blossom is supple
When life is in acquiescence
Oblivion is on a downward spiral
There is only one step between life and death

What is it that prescribes hope or loss
What is it that balloons our spirit
Or drags us to hell
What whithers the flower on the vine
Where is the gentle light
Oblivion is on a downward spiral
Some few of us survive unscathed

There is a downbeat in the cadence
There is a dissonant rhythm
That prefaces decision
The heart is hamstrung
The rhythm of our beat is not strong
Yet some of us survive
To love another day

Ethereal Ascension

I am wondering the nexus

Already I know the frenetic present
In my daily meanderings I see the hub and bub
And my mind soars into the abyss
I can feel the moisture in the clouds
And in this altitude the sun is breath taking
This out of body experience is in my mind

In the moment I can transcend
I can soar
I can feel the wind on my face
I can love the far away
There is no tether on my heart
And yet I come back
To my room

And I awake
Almost like I felt destiny's pinch
There are apple blossoms and humming birds

In my back yard
Yet through the branches and the hum of existence
I see the waning commitment to the world
Out of body means out of tether